35….. I’m Ready!

I’ll be celebrating a milestone birthday this year! I truly believe you’re only as old as you feel. I would say in some areas I feel like a wise prophet and other areas I’m barely learning to walk. What I do whole heartedly believe though is I’m trying. Trying to make sense of life and become a better version of myself. Each year before my birthday I take time to assess where I’m at and where I want to be by writing this thought piece (and putting my emotions out there to the world). Scary, but it’s also cathartic knowing that what I’m going through is the exact same thing someone else is going through and I just might be helping by putting this into words. With each passing year I’m beginning to realize that where I’m at is where I’m meant to be at this moment. If we focus on only “future” plans we’re robbing ourselves of fully being present and enjoying the “now.” Hope my insights below resonate and help you on your journey as well.

Living has taught me….

It’s always up to you to protect your heart. Not everyone has your best intentions in mind.

It’s never too late to repair a friendship, but also you need to accept some friendships aren’t meant to be repaired. Determine who is meant to be in your life for just a season and who is meant to be a mainstay. If someone is meant to be in your life they will make their way back to you. Don’t let pride ruin a good thing.

It’s never too late to reinvent yourself. Too often we rely on other people to tell us who we are versus us letting them know who we be.

Acceptance: you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. Sometimes you’re fighting so hard for people’s acceptance when you have people in your corner that already accept you.

Kindness: something that you can never have too much of. I always say you never know what someone else is going through. Your passing words of kindness could be the difference (literally) between life and death.

It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to admit you’re not okay and you need help. I myself was spiraling downward at one point and kept it real with my inner circle that I needed them (and therapy).

Don’t lessen other people’s problems. Do you ever feel like some people are in some sort of sick competition with you? Like who’s suffering more? Being sad/depress shouldn’t be a badge of honor you wear. Complaining just to be complaining isn’t cool. Life is meant to be lived and to be happy. We all have our ups and downs, but clinging to unhappiness isn’t healthy.

Spring cleaning isn’t just for your closet. It’s for your mind as well. My hardest thing is letting go of what was. I have a laser sharp memory which at times affects me negatively. I focus so hard on what was and not what is. You have to realize when it’s time to let go of things and people. Life is too short to have a cluttered mind of confusion.

As you get older you should be getting wiser. Learning never stops and should be continued at every age. I am so happy I started blogging! My interviews provide me so much insight into so many different industries. Plus I love to hear people’s stories. It shows how different, but yet how similar we all are. Everyone had a struggle or burden to bear at some point.

Surface level relationships are cancelled. I don’t know about you but each year when New Year’s hits I’m like “Where in the world did the time go?!?!” As cliché as it sounds “life is short.” I don’t have time for the BS small talk or the “fake” relationships. If you’re not down with someone that’s OKAY. How much happier would you be if you only socialized with people wanting to see you excel and put forth the same equal effort in the friendship that you do.

My definition of success and what I want is constantly changing. I realize how important self-care and mental care are. I can’t help anyone else if I can’t help myself.

2019 James Beard Awards

The next one is an Instagram analogy, but also an analysis of “friendship.” I struggled in the beginning with my blog because most of my close friends were not social media people (they don’t even have a Facebook page….lol), so I struggled to build an audience at first. My friends tried to be supportive but being online isn’t their thing (which I get). If it wasn’t for my blog I would have a very limited online presence myself. What I don’t get is there are people who are constantly online, watch your stories, filter through your content but never “like” anything. How is it I have over 375 views on my stories, but barely 20 likes on my actual feed post. Believe me I do not base my self-worth on “likes,” but it did make me think why aren’t they being supportive when I know for a fact they see my stuff? It’s one of those things where… okay …. you want to say you’re supportive behind closed doors but not out in the open…..hmmmm okay. Also, some people are just straight up hating and that’s okay too. I’ll stop this rambling, but let’s just say I do take notice and have responded accordingly. 🙂 I put a lot of work into my blog and posts. People’s lack of “likes” or support has not changed the opportunities I’ve been given. To be quite honest they’ve only gotten better. 🙂 This year alone I covered a food festival in another state, interviewed celebrities, attended the James Beard Awards (best night ever), covered a private yacht experience, and so on…. When something is meant for you, no one’s bad vibes can take it away. Remember what and who you are and don’t seek validation from others. (Thank you Quentin, Trisha, Ashley, Liana, Sergio, Stacy, Jodi, Crystal, Cynthia, Betty, Roy, Leslie, Regine… and countless others for always being so supportive online and off).

None of my business. Lol…when I start thinking so hard about what so and so is up to….. I pause, evaluate why I care, think about how what their doing affects me, take a step back, and generally come to the conclusion that “it’s none of my business.” It goes back to the only person you can control is yourself. Stop trying to control other people or the situation. When you’re constantly trying to control the outcome it lessens your experience and leaves you not free to enjoy the present moment.

“A Lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinion of sheep.” I got my first tattoo last year. I never wanted to get anything tattooed on my body unless it meant something. I ended up getting a lioness tattooed on my left inner ankle. Yes I was going through something major at the time, but I don’t regret it. When I look down it’s a reminder that I’m a strong individual and if people don’t want to take the time to get to know “Tavi” then that’s their lost and not my concern.

LOVE: I want the last 5 years of my 30’s to be about….. LOVE. In all senses of the word. Receiving love, sharing love, loving myself, and really just embodying an all around spirit of love.

Last, but not least, (I feel like I’m going a little off topic) but….. “Behind every “crazy” woman is a “crazier” man.” I’m very cautious and count it as a red flag when a man refers to all his ex’s as “crazy.” Crazy is a term that is thrown around too casually (especially in this day in age of mental health). That word has a stigmatism and is used to try to downplay all the things YOU did wrong and to place the blame on someone else’s behavior.

Picture this…..gentleman (or even some ladies)……. actually for this example I do want you to picture a lady since usually for some reason society likes to deem the woman as “crazy.” So again picture this….

Man meets woman. Man sees something special in that woman. Maybe it’s the way she carries herself, her smile, her carefree spirit, her kindness, there’s just something about her.

He pursues her not realizing it’s taken her some time to get to the point she’s at now. See everyone has a past. Maybe she’s been out of a relationship for a couple of years, but it took those two years to finally build herself back up again and too see the value of her worth. What you’re seeing is her little world slowly being put back together which is causing that bright genuine smile on her face. You pursue her with no intention in mind, but you pursue her. You like the chase. Knowing the mistakes she’s made in the past she doesn’t give in easily.

She finally decides it’s time to let the walls down and be vulnerable. She believes your “It’s all about you” or “You’re so special” or “I can’t stop thinking about you.” She decides to let you in her little world it took her so long to rebuild. For you though the chase is gone, so maybe the thrill is too? I mean there’s a sea full of beautiful, intelligent women in this world and you want to get to know them ALL. Or maybe you just decide….”hey I’m not feeling this anymore.”

You know what that is perfectly fine. What isn’t fine is for you to feel it’s okay to than act aloof and here comes the word GHOST. I get it you think she’s great, you can’t pinpoint exactly what went wrong, but things are getting too real and you want out… NOW.

Let’s back up this story…. remember this girls life was intact previously before meeting you. She was minding her own business till you came along and pursued her. You saw it…. it drew you in…. she felt it… she finally put the jumbled pieces of her life back together. What took her two years of coaching herself and realizing her value again…. someone came through and took all that hard work away in a mere week or a month. True you can blame her for being “weak” and letting her guard down, but don’t we all have feelings?

If you were pursued by someone you like, shown affection and attention by someone you like…. wouldn’t you wonder what went wrong? Instead of explaining to them their not your cup of tea you would rather just slowly (or quickly) remove your present from their life and if they question your motives you label them “crazy.” Now even though I haven’t been called this (often) the word rubs me the wrong way when I hear it out of the mouth of someone I’m dating about an ex and it’s a red flag to me when someone can casually throw it around when describing a past relationship. That “crazy” person is real. Someone’s real friend, real sister, real daughter, real niece…etc.

I just feel like there’s a bigger problem here. Is it a problem of a lack of empathy or just not caring anymore? I’m not sure, but talking to various women it’s a huge problem. And unfortunately it’s not the assholes we’re only seeing this with, it’s the “nice” guys as well. I just think we ALL need to be more empathetic if you wouldn’t want someone treating your niece, daughter, sister, best friend any type of way….then remember the “crazy” girl is also someone’s niece, daughter, sister, best friend.

I’m fortunate enough to have some good guy friends I can go to for advice to tell me what’s up. I love the brutal truth one told me. He told me most men were raised to hide their emotions and man up. So the two years it may take a woman to get their life back in order men are told from a young age to move on more quickly…more like two weeks. So when we as women see them move on so quickly, that pains us even more….. We live in a double standard society in various areas. I guess I say all of this to say…. ladies question the “crazy” whether that word be thrown at you or you hear it described about someone else. This is coming from someone who has great guy friends, has been in healthy relationships, who loves men, and someone who’s hoping to find “that one” again. Let’s be gentler with each other.

I feel 35 is going to be a good year! I care more about what Tavi thinks of Tavi and less about what other people think of Tavi. I think by me caring more about myself it’s in turn going to help me be able to focus on helping others more that are going through similar situations. Hurt people hurt people and loving yourself helps you love people.

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